youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
