There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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