New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
