cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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