Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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