You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
