Little spoons don't ask big questions
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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