Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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