He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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