I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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