Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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