like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
