i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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