Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
