I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
