My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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