so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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