i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
