how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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