Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
A bitchslap is in order.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
