remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
