don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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