Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
