walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
