please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
