I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
