i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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