well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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