nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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