I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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