Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
