drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
