Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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