You can't motorboat a personality
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
