You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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