Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
