On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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