this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
