No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
