i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
