Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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