Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
