So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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