and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
