I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
