it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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