My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
