I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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