I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I will pee on everything he values.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
