i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
