My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
