Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
