that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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