i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
