i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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