Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
