My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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