I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize