I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I didn't notice because vodka
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
