He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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