I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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