My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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