is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
