WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
