Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You can't motorboat a personality
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
