I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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