So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
