If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You don't make any sense
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