oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
