Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Mom said you looked used
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
