she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
