Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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