She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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