dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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