I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
