Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
