and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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