just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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