I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
