Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
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I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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