He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
