i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
