My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
