I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
